Have you ever experienced a situation where something drastic wrong is going on, you want to protest against it, you want to stop it at any cost but can’t do anything. You are forced to become a mute spectator witnessing the unholy incident happening day after day, week after week, month after month. The situation is so painfully unbearable that it can only be understood if one goes through it. The helplessness that you feel in such a situation is inexplicable.
There was a vacancy for an office assistant to help in SQA documentation and team coordination. I was given the task to find a suitable candidate who will be reporting me. After a few interviews I selected a female candidate. She was appointed. She was a girl of 21 years of age with a childish face and soft tongue. Within a few days we built up an understanding. She used to compare herself with my daughter and I also started to think of her as my daughter.
So far so good. At this point enters the dragon. I was responsible for providing support to Ghana and Tanzania clients. It was quite normal for me to stay back at office till 9 to 10 pm. In one such night, in late September of 2017, at around 9 o’clock, I was damn tired after explaining a business scenario to one of the clients. I went to the conference hall to sit down alone for a while and rearrange my thoughts. As it was supposed to be, the hall was pitch dark. I switched on the lights, and oh my gosh!, my boss was sitting there and with him was the girl!
For the next few days I could not concentrate on anything. I lost my sleep at night and appetite during the day. The scene was moving over my head all the time. Finally, one morning the inevitable happened. I sent off my daughter to school, Shonu, my wife, left for her school as well. I was ready with my office bag and tiffin box, locked the door and pressed the switch of the lift. As I was waiting for the lift to arrive, suddenly I felt that everything is becoming black in front of me and I was falling down. To sit down for a while and gather myself up, I opened door and sat down on drawing room sofa and closed my eyes.
My eyes opened after 12 days. Shonu was holding an ice bag on her hand which she was applying on my head. It took me some time to understand what was going on. Her eyes were shining as I asked her what was happening. Shonu narrated the complete story in brief, but I could not recollect anything. Those twelve days were lost from my life. I accepted this and started moving on. As our life was coming to normalcy, one day I discovered that though I can see everything, I can’t read what is written on a paper. The doctor, a senior neurologist, referred me to an eye specialist. The eye specialist, a lady doctor in her mid-thirties, checked my eyes thoroughly with intense interest for quite a while and finally declared that I would never be able to read as there is no cure for the ailment. According to her, there were no problems in my eyes. The veins that connect the eyes to the brain are not working properly and hence there is no hope of regaining reading through my eyes.
Sometime back, in the month of May that year, I purchased a copy of ‘Srimad Bhagwat Gita As It Is’, from amazon and kept the book on the side of the bed “as it was”. One morning after finishing breakfast, I was sitting on the balcony watching nothing. All of a sudden the idea came to my mind to see the Book. If at all I can’t read, I can at least see the pictures. I asked Shonu to give me the Book. I opened the first chapter. The shlokas are written in Sanskrit script with large font. I tried to read. It was complete blurred at first. I tried to concentrate and focused on the first word. The first letter became visible to me. Then I tried to concentrate on the second letter, it appeared but the first one disappeared. “My God! I can read one letter at a time!”, I exclaimed loudly with joy.
On that day I could read the first shloka, only shloka by Dhrishtra, the blind king, asking Sanjay about what was happening in the battlefield of Kurukshetra.
धृतराष्ट्र उवाच |
धर्मक्षेत्रे कुरुक्षेत्रे समवेता युयुत्सवः |
मामकाः पाण्डवाश्चैव किमकुर्वत सञ्जय ||1||
dhṛitarāśhtra uvācha
dharma-kṣhetre kuru-kṣhetre samavetā yuyutsavaḥ
māmakāḥ pāṇḍavāśhchaiva kimakurvata sañjaya
Dhritarashtra said: O Sanjay, after gathering on the holy field of Kurukshetra, and desiring to fight, what did my sons and the sons of Pandu do?
This was not merely an inquiry about the battlefield. Dhritarashtra was curious to know what is happening in the battlefield of Kurukshetra. He knew that the Pandavas are far more powerful than the Kauravas. In the past it was proved several times. And above all the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the Krishna is in the side of the Pandavas. So there was a fear in the mind of Dhritarashtra that the outcome of the battle would not be as desired by him.
I too had many questions in my mind. After three months of the incident, I had to resign from the company. I was like a free bird. There was no rushing to the office in the morning after a sleepless night filled with thoughts of client handling and client satisfaction. I started walking in the morning. Starting from one kilometer, it stretched to five kilometer a day. Listening to the lectures of motivational speaker on Youtube became my permanent companion in the morning. I started following Gaur Gopal Prabhu and Sadhguru. Shonu suggested Sister Shivani, a well composed lady in white sari with a divine voice. Her voice sounded like voice coming from the heavens – clean, soft and filled with motivation. During that time I came across the Srimad Bhagwat Gita rendition by Anuradha Padowal on Youtube. I used to start my day with the chapter 2. I almost remembered the entire chapter containing 72 shlokas.
One Sunday morning, when I was passing by the side of the Golf Course, I heard the sounds of Mridangam and Kartals. It was a familiar music which reminded me of the childhood days in Khoirabari, my maternal uncle’s house. We used to visit our ‘mamar bari’ during school holidays. My grandfather was a Vaishnav. There used to be frequent vaishnav seva and kirtan at his house. I used to participate in the Kirtan and enjoy the melodious tunes. I got pulled up to the kirtan by an unseen string and joined the Sankirtan. After the Kirtan, Shyam Sunder Prabhu ji introduced himself to me. He introduced me to the Vaishnav sect of ISKCON. As I expressed my love for Kirtan, prabhu ji invited me for the Kirtan on every Sunday. I started waiting for the Sunday morning like a Chatak (Skylark) bird waiting for rain. It continued for more than a month. By the mercy of Shri Krishna, they included me in their team. Now regularly we have kirtans in Sunday mornings and classes on Srimad Bhagwatam on Saturday evenings. I am still looking for the answers to my questions during the discussion sessions on Srimad Bhagwatam.
I regained vision, of my eyes and of my mind, only by the mercy of God, Shri Krishna. It has opened a totally new chapter on my life. My sincere obeisances unto Him.
Hare Krishna!
Times beyond... 